A few months ago I wrote a very passionate post
about a mental condition that stems very much from my heart that
makes me addicted to the experiences involved with giving and
receiving love; be it friendship, family or a significant-other.
At the time of that post, I had decided to take a
vacation from love and to develop as a single, independent woman who
does not need to love or be
loved, but simply wants
to when it is appropriate. No withdrawal symptoms, no depression when
I am rejected, no overly-needy or overly-giving behavioural patterns
or any other such love addiction problems.
- - - -
Time has passed,
and I really feel like I have come a long way. I had my personal time
to develop a love of myself
and become a stronger person, and although I have a ways to go, I
think that a lot of progress has been made. So much so that – after
patiently waiting for me – I decided to pursue a relationship with
one Robert-James Brazier who is now my Legal Carer, and my future
husband.
 |
| Wearing my ring! Sadly it turns out that I am allergic to its gold, but we are going to have a jeweller fix that for us. |
Many people would say
that we are rushing into things and that it is “too soon”, but a
lot of thought went into his decision to ask me, and plenty of hours
of contemplation and serious talking before I said “yes”.
In-the-end though, it came down to one simply fact that surpassed any
doubts that either of us had, and that was that – as we both
phrased it - “when you know... you just know...”
- - - -
I waited many
weeks before I said “I love you” to my ever-patient (then)
boyfriend who understood that I wanted to be certain that I loved him
because I wanted to
and because it was genuine,
not because I had to
due to my addiction.
 |
| Robert and our cat Scratch. |
He gives me space when
I need it, he respects me, he is fine to wait for intercourse until I
am truly ready (and married) and all of my animals adore him almost
as much as I do.
Incidentally, in true
Robert-James, playful and boyish style, I was not proposed to down on
one knee nor at a “posh restaurant” or any such scenario, but
rather in the middle of the night, as we decided it was time to
cuddle up and sleep and I go to the bathroom as part of my usual
schedule... only to have Mr Brazier casually walk behind me and say
“do you want to get married?” as though he were asking some one
for directions or a menu. At the time I was more concerned with
emptying my bladder than answering his question, and I was also
understandably unsure whether he meant it or not!
- - - -
On the other side of
the emotional spectrum, however, I also have reason to be sad. I
have, in choosing Robert, had to reject the love of another who I did
have many pleasant times with and who I hoped would remain in my
life, but who sadly chose to insult my choice in partner insisting
that he is a bad influence on me and then “Blocking” me on social
media and screening my calls. I offered that we meet for a drink and
discuss things as adults and try to clear-the-air as-they-say, so
that we could try to make it work, but alas, he made his decision and
it was clearly not meant to be.
I suffered from
severe depression, doubt and withdrawal for several days after my
ex-boyfriend Matthew decided to say goodbye to me (via email). There were
many tears, shaking, “ifs” and “buts” and my poor “RJ”
had to suffer through it all with me, holding me back from my urges
to buy my ex-friend every present I could think of to “win him
back” which is what love addicts do when they are rejected as I
was. No matter who is “right” or “wrong” in a relationship
dynamic that I have with a person, I will always try
to be the one that makes it better, no matter the cost.
I can tell that
having that time to grow alone has really helped me a lot because –
although I needed a little help here-and-there – I was able to
recover from the loss of one of my closest confidants, friends
and ex-love within days, rather than moping and mourning for months.
- - - -
 |
| After his proposal, Robert and I took a romantic walk along the Margate seafront to watch the sunrise, where I said "yes". |
- - - -
I have lost a friend,
but gained a (soon-to-be) husband. I have taken big steps towards
independence and recovery from my love addiction, but I also took a
leap of faith and decided to share the rest of my life with some one.
All-in-all, I am
really, genuinely happy with where I stand emotionally and mentally
at present and I hope that any other sufferers of my condition will
read my story and find the courage to learn to love themselves as I
did and to, I hope, find their happy ending too. For the rest of you
who are not love
addicts, I am still sending you plenty of Blessings and hopes for
your present and your future in love and happiness.
