 |
| The house where I was born (right side) in Dartford, and where I spent three months locked away in captivity. |
Mark and Maryanne lived
in a Christian-run household with two other house-mates; Tommy-Lee*
and Matt*. The house was let to them by their Church in Dartford,
Kent, for those in need, much like the YMCA or a homelessness
charity. I technically held a tenancy in New Eltham in South East
London, but I spent more time during my first year at their household
than at mine.
Tommy-Lee was very much
a “lady's man” who I can best draw comparitive with Barney from
the television sitcom How I Met Your Mother, often claiming he could
“have any woman [he] wants” and although he was of the Christian
faith, he often sinned and jested that “God would forgive [him]
anyway” as long as he said sorry. Matt, in contrast, was a quiet
(although he enjoyed loud, angry music), secluded individual with a
very private past.
- - - -
All the members of the
household were friends with my predecessor and – as I am sure you
can imagine – they struggled with the change from her to me. They
were all well aware of Cherie's past battles with mental health, not
least which the fact that at one point she had multiple
personalities, so it was not too far a stretch for them to understand
what had happened, but I think that (initially) they wanted her back.
As the months passed
however, I think it became clear that their friend (and lover, in
Mark's case) would not return, and they helped me develop my social
skills, showed me the world, and encouraged me to become my own
person. I grew particularly close to Tommy-Lee, who told me that he
himself had struggled with his sense of identity, and in all honesty,
I found him to be warm and charming, which was confusing for me,
given the contradicting “residue feelings” (as I called them) of
love that I had for Mark left over from Cherie's lifetime which
were not truly mine.
- - - -
 |
| My residency in New Eltham |
- - - -
I often visited the house, because it felt more like a home to me than the residence that I was legally supposed to reside in, given the fact that it was where I was “born”, and where the only people that I actually knew, lived. The Church that rented them the house had very strict rules, however, which were broken on a regular basis for my presence. Firstly, no one was allowed to visit after ten in the evening. Secondly, no intimate relations. Both these rules were broken repeatedly by Mark when he – quite literally – decided to invite me over for a visit and then not let me leave for a grand total of three months...
During these three
months of captivity I spent most of my time literally locked inside
Mark's bedroom, which was very small. I felt like I was in a cage; I
was only able to leave the room or the house with his accompaniment,
and even then, very rarely. I played computer games, listened to
music (he had a vast collection of bootleg MP3s on his computer so I
had much to choose from), danced and generally surfed the internet
when alone, and when in his company, I was often used for sex**.
I became utterly
dependent on my captor for every thing that I needed in life - for
food, clothing and socialising (etc) – to the point where when I
was finally released, I had lost what little independence I had
developed and I had a nasty case of agoraphobia. He used me like a
play-thing for all that time and I also lived in constant fear of
being discovered by his landlords, who would on visit without warning
to inspect the property and, were I found, there would be
consequences. It was a big, nasty blow on my development.
- - - -
- - - -
 |
| Mark and Maryanne, engaged, 2009. |
There was a positive side-effect of my time in captivity, however, because the more time that I spent at their household with the four of them, the more that I began to realise my relationship with Mark was unethical - that it would hurt Maryanne if she knew – and the more it felt wrong, so I ended our secret “relationship” when I finally insisted on my freedom and walked out that door.
This
was a big, big step for me towards becoming who I am today. That was
when I realised that I did not have to follow instructions, be they
Cherie's that she left in her mind, Mark's that he gave me to sleep
with him and keep it secret, or any one else's. I could make my own
choices and live my own life.
It was at this point that I decided
that I could leave his home and return to mine, without fear of
reprimand. That I did not need him...
- - - -
*I am keeping their
last names secret.
**As aforementioned in The First Year: Part One, I consider this to be rape.
To be continued next week in the third and final part... The First Year: Part Three: Recovery & Development.
- - - -
To be continued next week in the third and final part... The First Year: Part Three: Recovery & Development.
