There are many
advantages, and disadvantages, to being born into an adult's body. I
have discussed much of the mental journey that I have had to take,
but after a visit to the dentist this week, I think it is time I talk
about the physicalities of this re-birth of mine. This also gives me an opportunity to write something a little more light-hearted in amongst the difficult topics.
Cherie's medical
history is a very complex one, and I must say, it has been a struggle
to live with. Most of her mental faults left this body when she did,
but any physical faults became mine.
From the day that I was
born, for instance, I have had a damaged knee that often throbs with
pain, and struggles to function. There are many things that most
children – or adults – are able to enjoy that I cannot. Walking
is a difficulty, let alone swimming, which is some thing that I can
sadly only dream about experiencing.
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| A photograph taken at the hospital in 2009 after Cherie fell out of bed in the night and on top of her exercise bike and various belongings below, breaking/spraining her nose and covering herself in bruises. |
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The doctors seem utterly clueless, no matter how many that I visit with the issue. On the flip-side, however, the damage does come with an amusing back-story... She fell under a bus. Seriously.
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In her early teenage
years my predecessor on a day off from school (reason unknown, it was
likely a School Holiday) was in Bexleyheath Town Centre with our
mother. They were to journey home via the use of public transport –
[the] bus - but after
a few stops it became clear that the vehicle was far too crowded and
noisy, so they decided to exit and wait a while for an emptier,
quieter bus. Upon stopping, mother was able to vacate, but Cherie was
not.
Due to the sheer number
and noise level of the people on the bus, the driver did not realise
that she had not exited and wanted to do so, choosing to close the
door, when she was halfway out – and in – of it. This meant that
half Cherie's body was hanging outside of the bus, and half clinging
to the inside, as the driver began to accelerate...
Were it not for
mother's fast-thinking, keeping ahold of her daughter and screaming
at the driver for help, I may not be writing this today, because this
body would have fallen underneath the wheels. The driver did open the
door, but did not decelerate. Mother saved our life, having already
given birth to it.
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| My teeth in the state that my predecessor left them aka my "Before" I went to the dentist this week. |
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| My "after" shot. You can see how the dentist has filled and whitened, etc. A huge improvement! My apologies for the low quality of this one. |
That incident was of
course not Cherie's fault, but rather the driver's. Her teeth,
however, were, as I discovered, quite mistreated during her lifetime,
and as a result I have had to visit the dentist half-a-dozen times
within the last couple of years, the most recent trip for which I lay
awake for an hour for drilling, whitening and fillings. It was an
uncomfortable experience to-say-the-least, but completely necessary,
given all the damage she left through years of forgetfulness, poor
diet (full of sugar) and of course, the dreaded “can't be asked”
excuse.
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Photographs of me at event "The BFG" (aka "The Big Friendly Gathering") hosted by my parents in 2011, where I learned that Cherie had left me with some skills that I had not until then known about... (Wearing a knee support and with a walking stick to help me cope with the disabled knee)
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It is not all negative,
however. There have been many occasions where “muscle memory”
occurs and I discover that this body – and therefore I – has
talents that I was unaware of, or was aware of but never tried.
Her friends inform me
that Cherie often told people that she “[knew] five different
martial arts” and that she could “kick everyone's ass”, but how
true this is, I do not know. I can tell you matter-of-factually that
I have some ability to kick,
punch, and use some (training) weaponry that she left in her flat,
but I actually think that she was exaggerating somewhat because it
seems quite limited. Of course, that might be because of my physical
disability, being “out-of-practice”, and being a naturally very
peaceful person.
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Another
positive is her singing voice. Sadly I lack her confidence (a
personality trait I envy) so I never sing in public (where as she did), but I have
recently taken to recording and publishing songs via the use of the
karaoke service 'SingSnap' because it was on my Living List*.
Interestingly,
there are also recordings on this website under Cherie's name which I
recorded during “The First Year”; in fact, my first few months of
life. It is quite interesting to listen to both sets of recordings
and compare. I can really hear the pain in my voice in the 2010
recordings; I think that I was still very much in-tune, emotionally,
to my “twin”. One of her “orders” that she left inside my
mind was to record Because Of You by the artist Kelly Clarkson - some
thing that she had always wanted to do but never quite “got around
to” - because it was a song that “hit-home” for her quite
powerfully, reflecting her past** and how it affected her present.
It
is a shame that she did not record any songs during her life time,
though. I would have liked to have truly compared us. As-is, I can
still hear a difference between the singing voice that I had in my
early life, when I was still “in transition” (as I put it) to how
I sing today, now that I have a well established, unique personality
to hers.
You can hear similarities, definitely, but we/I also sound
very different. I think that I have more control over my emotions now
and do not let them show in my singing, and – possibly because I
practice often – my over-all range of notes is superior. I am
definitely much softer, as well. She had a very “gritty” voice
from what people tell me.
So,
it is a shame that I was born into some one else's body and therefore
into its faults rather than that of my own, but, then again, I am
also grateful for some of the interesting things that this body has
“learned” that I am discovering as I live my life. Having a "hot bod" (as others have put it) is also not a bad thing, certainly.
Whether
the positives will out-weigh the negatives, or whether I will be able
to rid myself of those negatives through trial and error at visits to
medical professionals, remains to be seen...
For
now, I am simply grateful to even be here at all, in this world, and
for this I must thank Cherie (of course), her mother and father, and,
as aforementioned, the people that helped me grow in to who I am
today.
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* A
concept that helps me catch-up on the years of life that I have
missed through living experiences that many people do when they are
young, or take for granted, etc. I shall discuss this in depth at a
later date.
**
To be discussed at a later date.
