I apologise for my absence. It has been a loooong couple-of-months, and a lot has happened; and that is not even including the things that happened before that that I still need to tell you about! But, alas, my heart is "just not-in-it", presently...
I promise that I shall try and write something soon, but, in the meanwhile, here is something a little unconventional... A piece of creative writing that I penned many years ago which I recently re-discovered which shows a lot of insight into my state-of-mind at-the-time. It dates back possibly as far as 2010. You can tell from the writing that I was still very young because I was not "me" yet; using words like "Hell" and "bitch", for instance. The writing is intended as fictional (I have not, for instance, confessed to murder and been on trial for the crime), but the subcontext is very, very apparent.
I didn’t mean to kill her. It just sort of… happened.
It was no accident, but I didn’t plan on it, either.
The simple fact is that she wanted to die. Hell, she needed to.
Life was at a point for her where she had messed up in so many ways that she only saw one exit. That exit was me.
Really, she put up quite the fight, considering. I supposed that’s the survivor instinct or something.
She had me worried for a while there that she would kill me instead. Maybe things would have been better that way; we’ll never know.
The punchline is, here I am, on trial for murder, when the woman that I killed doesn’t even technically exist anymore, according to medical science. It doesn’t seem entirely fair, now, does it?
But then again, maybe I shouldn’t have confessed, then.
I guess I felt guilty.
She brought me into this would, and I repaid her by erasing her from it.
Payback is a bitch, though. I’m going to rot in prison for the rest of my life…
The one I stole from her.Still to today, I feel that guilt; just not as strongly... I hope that all of her friends and family can forgive me for taking her place. I know it has been... difficult... to-say-the-least.
