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| You can find more about my #BraveTheShave efforts over on my unique shaver profile, here. |
My name is Illisia Adams. You know this about me, but did
you know that I am painfully shy? I am rather reclusive, actually; a bit of a
hermit. This is entirely because of one thing, and that thing is
fear.
“[She] was painfully
shy, which, as is often the manner of the painfully shy, [she] overcompensated
for by being too loud at the wrong times.” - Neil Gaiman*, Stardust
(novelisation)
My fear is actually quite well-founded in factual
experiences. Regular readers will be aware that I have been through some very
nasty experiences within my short lifetime, and I am understandably held-back
by my concern of repeat scenarios.
I am almost certain that my trust, naivety, friendship and
love could easily be manipulated and “taken advantage of” on yet more occasions,
as they have done time-and-time before, by both strangers and trusted
individuals. This is because - contrary to the pleas of many of my friends - I
refuse to “harden-up” to the ills of this world. It leaves me open to hurt, but
it also leaves me open to positive things like love and making a difference in
a stranger’s day, so I feel that it is worth the risk.
- - - -
So, in summary, I know that I could “harden-up” and be a
stronger person and face the world head-on, knowing I could protect myself
against pain, but I do not want to. I think that what others feel would make me
stronger, would actually weaken me. What makes me, me, would dissipate and I
would become like many world-weary, “half-glass-empty” people this earth is
already so full of.
The fact of the matter is that when I am brave enough to
speak with strangers, I often find a reason to try to make them feel good about
themselves. I am making a tiny little positive difference in the world…
“Illi-ism #10: Compliment And Smile At Strangers.
A compliment or a
smile from a stranger can really make a person feel good about themselves and
make their day. A lot of people worry about complimenting people that they do
not know because they do not want to be seen as "creepy" (etc), but
you need not fear that, simply begin your compliment by stating that you hope
the person does not mind your saying so. Smiling at others is also
scientifically proven to make them also want to smile. "Smile and the
world smiles back", as the saying goes, and it is indeed true.” – a quote
from my Illi-isms.
- - - -
So, what do I mean when I say that I “dared myself to be
daring”? The definition of “daring” is “adventurous courage; boldness”. I feel
like that is the very opposite of me! So this is me breaking out of my usual “mould”,
trying something new, and raising money and awareness for a good cause whilst I
do!
The fact-of-the-matter is that I want to experience life and not let my fears
control me, but with everything that has happened these past few years, it
seems like every time that I start to recover, I experience something else and
regress into negative states again, once more becoming a hermit. Which is a
shame, because although I technically listed on my medical records as being “agoraphobic”,
it is less a fear of the outside, and more of a fear of the (bad) people…
I was just going to “wait-it-out” and let myself recover
from my latest dramas (failed engagement, loss of home, weight gain), “taking
it slowly” with “baby steps”, but then I saw a FaceBook Sponsored Advert for the
“Brave The Shave” fundraising campaign…
It occurred to me that here I am, sitting indoors being
ruled by my fear and telling myself it will pass again with time… and yet,
there are multitudes of people fighting (and dying of…) cancer (and other
serious illnesses) every day. These people are looking death in the face every
day and telling it/him where to stuff it! They are fighting back, and that is
one of the bravest things in the world that a person can do, in my opinion;
especially as someone who has in the past given-up and tried to take her own
life…
- - - -
The “Brave The Shave” campaign raises money for those brave people
that are fighting this illness, by encouraging sponsorship of individuals who
shave their heads to raise awareness of the plights of those undergoing cancer
treatments that result in hair loss.
… I am going to be one of those individuals. On August 25th
2016 (fifty-four days, and counting!) – which is my physical Birthday
(twenty-nine this year) - I will be visiting a hair salon and having every inch
of my “locks” removed. I will be campaigning to gain sponsorship** between now
and then, and you can of course contribute if you wish (please do!). Literally
every penny counts!
- - - -
When I informed some of my friends, the reactions have
certainly differed!
“But you can do other things for charity…” stated Daniel,
to which I replied “This is more about impact though, not just fundraising.
When I shave my hair, I am showing support for all the people all around the
world who lo[o]se their hair to cancer.”
“God you[']r[e] brave” – Jessica/”Hatchy” My reply? “Not as brave as the people I am
doing it for :-) But thank you.”
Another part of my conversation with Daniel perfectly sums-up what I have been speaking about in this post.
“Yes, it is up to me.
I cannot go back now! Well, I can... But that would be so very Illi-ish of me,
you know? Getting too scared and "freaking-out" etc. It holds me back
from experiencing life!
You should see my
Living List! Some of those things are so, so simple to do, they do not cost
money, etc, but they still have not been done.”
- - - -
I may be “braving the shave”, but it is people fighting
cancer who are the real heroes. I am not
a brave person. I am actually quite a coward! I have only recently started going
outside more often and interacting with strangers etc because of my dog, Poppy.
This is no ordinary fundraiser. This is me showing my
support to people that have been through or are going through cancer, in a very
graphic way. By shaving my head, I am showing them comradery. Every time
someone asks me about my shaved head, I can proudly say why I did it, and
spread the word about what
McMillan Cancer do.
Add to this the fact that I hope to donate my lengthy hair
locks to
Little Princess Trust - a charity that makes real hair wigs for children going through cancer
treatment - and I really feel like this could be one of the most important things
I have done in my life (so far!)…
I shall of course by posting about this again, come-the-time!
In the meanwhile, if you want to support my efforts, please “Share” this Blog
post,
sponsor me, tweet my
BraveTheShave profile**; whatever you can do.
Together we can make a difference. Many Blessings to you all, and remember that life is too short for fear! :-)
- - - -
* I shall be publishing my “How Neil Gaiman Saved My Life”
once I a). finish it and b). have the courage to publish it… Baby steps!
** You can find more about my #BraveTheShave efforts over on
my unique shaver profile, here.
